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Funny things happen at universities in Germany...

Professor: "If your knowledge is like your tits, there really is no point in starting this exam."
(University of Hamburg, professor is not allowed to question students any more)

"Did they pump your brain with helium to make you stand upright?"
(Exam in physics, Uni Chemnitz)

Professor is complaining:
"Why are students always late for lessons? It is not a big migration to come to the University."
At that moment a student Asiatic comes in...
"You are exused, your journey was really long!"
(Law school, Uni Essen)

Professor at medicine school at introductory lesson:
"We start with the basics in autopsy. Two things are of the greatest importance. First: you must overcome the disgust. Look!"
Professor puts his finger in the ass of a dead man, pulls it out and licks it.
"And now you do it."
Pale and disgusted, students repeat what the professor did. When everybody did it professor says:
"Second equally important thing is to be very concentrated during the lesson .
I put my forefinger in the body, but licked my middle finger. So, be very carefull..."

Professor to a pregnant student:
"Now there is two of you coming to exam, but still neither of you knows anything ..."
(Law school, Uni Köln)

Student of veterinary medicine at exam. Professor shows him covered cage, only legs of some bird could be seen.
"Which bird is this?"
"I do not know."
"Your name?"
Student raises the leg of trousers:"You guess."

Professor sits at the table in canteen and eats. Student comes and sits at the table without question.
Angry, professor says:"Since when eagles and pigs sit at the same table?"
Student stands up, takes his meal and replies:"OK, I fly forward then."